To Good Health

I'm making my semi-annual round of doctor visits, but who needs them? I've got all the evidence of my good health in my medicine cabinet - tons of little bottles and tubes with expiration dates long past. Sure, the Advil only expired this past March, but the Bayer expired over two years ago. We just don't take drugs; don't need 'em.



I did wake up with a cold Wednesday. It raged all day yesterday. I used a nasal spray, and that helped. Turns out I shouldn't have been using it since last August. The throat spray I used this morning has apparently been ineffective for the last 26 months.



I did more research: I have a perscription for Hydrochodone, a pain reliever, that expired 10 years ago. (I wonder what its street value is.) Benadryl, an anti-itch cream, was last effective in 1994! No problem with waste management. Ex Lax expired in 2003.



There is considerably more data, but you get the picture. My research does not include the effects of taking expired medicines, but I really think it's just a conspiracy to make us buy more products. I'm not fallin' for that old trick, If I feel the need to take Ex Lax, I'll take whatever is available, regardless of color, creed, or expiration date.



And, if I have a toothache, I'll take the Rexall drug in my medicine cabinet. Apparently, this product is so old, no expration date was required on the bottle. The instructions say "Taketh no more than thrice daily, lest ye succumb to the plague."