Who Am I?

Super star Beyonce recently released a new album featuring an alter ego. In an effort to remain current and relevant, I too have created an alter ego: Poop, the world's most cantankerous grandpa.



Poop doesn't play trains with his grandchildren; he ruins and savages the track layouts. If he plays Checkers or Uno, he always wins and taunts his opponents. His favorite outdoor game is vicious no holds barred tackle football. He is Poop, the world's most cantankerous grandpa.


He is boisterous and obnoxious at karaoke and dance parties, and encourages the same behaviour from other would be wallflowers. He throws balls at his grandchildren. (Hmmm...)


When he babysits, he makes the boys watch Jerry Springer or Daily Mass. If he takes them to the grocery store, he doesn't buy them donuts. He buys them pomegranetes. He answers all childish questions with "I know you are but what am I?" (Or quickly and almost incoherently, "little baby says what?")


He tells his grandsons that the Tooth Fairy rips teeth from their bloody mouths and Santa Claus died after he ate a rancid Easter Bunny.




He insinuates that Old McDonald has an unnatural relationship with his sheep. (EeI,eeI..OH!)



(That's ba-aaaad.)


He will eventually teach them that it is okay to say "crap" to anyone except teachers, nuns, and priests. (Not that those people can't be full of crap....)





He is Poop, the world's most cantankerous grandpa.
He only shows up on rare occasions. Maybe after a Giants loss, if he misses his nap, or if he had tuna casserole for dinner.


No, I'm just kiddin'. (Remember, I'm a kidder.) Poop never shows up, or at least he doesn't stay long. Pop's grandsons don't inspire that kind of behaviour. They only bring smiles, giggles and pride to Pop. S0 funny, so smart, so adorable............for now.


Maybe when they get older, they'll be somewhat obnoxious, and Poop will evolve. But I really don't think so. I will always love them for better or worse. With parents like Julie and Kirk, their worse won't be so bad.


Still, if the boys were a little less charming, it might make it easier for Geeg and Pop to stay in Florida for longer stretches of time. (Always looking for the silver lining.)


Have a Happy Thanksgiving.

LANDON'S BIG ADVENTURE

Geeg and Pop thought they were beginning a new tradtion a couple of year's ago; taking our grandsons out for their birthday when they turned 3. We had a wonderful time with Miles that year, and took him out last year as well.

Unfortunately, we didn't think this new tradition through; we don't plan to be here in January when Landon turns 3. Oh, oh.

Landon was recently perusing some family pictures and saw evidence of our celebrations with just Miles. He wanted to know when it was his turn. Geeg and Pop fretted over this for a while, then realized we don't need no stinkin' birthday to celebrate with our boys!

So, with Julie's permission, we planned on taking each of they boys out, individually, for no other reason than we love them. (Awwww.)

Controversey immediately erupted when we tried to decide who to take first. Miles solved the dilemma by deciding that he didn't want to go out with us. Okay, we'll go out with Landon first. (Miles has since changed his mind and is already asking us to set a date for his big night out.)

Wednesday night we fought the wind and cold, and headed for Brickhouse. Landon, the classic second child, was casual; not dressed to the nines as Miles had been for his first night out with

G & P. No matter, he was cute as a button.

Dinner started out with a toast to our favorite second grandson.

Scintilating conversation followed.

Yada, yada, yada......Wine and milk, pizza and grinders, a charming little boy. Ice cream for dessert. What a man, what a man; what a mighty fine man. Thanks, Landon, for a wonderful evening.

Not Much to Say

My first blog in over a week; not much goin' on. Geeg and I continue our lives in the quiet desperation that is retirement.


NOT!
SNAP!


BOOLYAH!

Life remains better than good; I simply haven't had much inspiration lately. Not that this is a competition, but the ever prolific Julie has nothing else to do all day but chronicle the delightful adventures of her growing princes. Still, I can't believe she has yet to mention the spectacular train layouts the boys and I have made.








Or our Monday routine; Julie and Kirk go to the gym (or do they go to breakfast?)early in the morning and leave the boys in our care. For hours. And we're not allowed to turn on the tv.

My children, as much as I adore them, are beyond the age of cute episodes for Daddy to exploit.
Plus, I suspect they hold back information for fear it will reach this stage.

Anything new that Geeg and Pop do these days is usually related to the aging process. Any disclosure of such activity would fall into the category of "too much information."

I'm not complaining. Sometimes I dream that I have to get up and go to work. You can't imagine the euphoria when I realize it was just a dream; that I am free to enjoy the 'slice of heaven' that is my typical day.
So, as we approach this joyous holiday season (closely followed by a return to 'south heaven'), I continue to enjoy the simple life.

I scour all grocery store flyers for the best bargains. (We're having t-bone steaks tonight; $3.99/lb!)
I meticulously try to average better than 45 mpg on every car ride.
I surf the web, trying to find the best deal on the best GPS money can buy on a pension budget.
I connive to beat the phone company; switching plans, investigating alternatives. (Tracfone?)
I rediscover the library! I've already removed 2 dvd's from my Netflix cue; borrowed them for free from my new favorite place.

And so it goes. I simply do not have much to say or write about, and past attempts at fillers were unanimously ignored or criticized. (Man goes into a bar...) My hair does not look particularly funny these days; no need for an updated self portrait. ( I did recently give myself a trim with one of those haircutting combs you may have seen in 'Dr Leonard' catalogs you may get in the mail. No comments from the local peanut gallery, so I guess my 'do looks ok. I got a few comments on my new walking outfit; shorts over sweats, but nothing particularly outrageous.)



Yada, yada, yada, the simple life goes on. I wholely endorse and reccommend it.







P.S. Hold off on the cantankerous responses regarding my description of Julie's day; I was just kidding. I, better than anyone, recognize the miracles she (and Kirk) perform day after day. I'm a kidder; I kid.

CONSPIRACY THEORY

It is common knowledge that the media had a huge role in the election of the Democratic presidential nominee, Barack Obama. Not so much radio and tv - every Limbaugh caricature is offset by the Oberman's, spewing half truths and flame throwing innuendo; but the liberal press, who exploited the segment of the population that can read.

However, I suspect the Republican party also conspired to sway the election. I think they realized that no one person can resolve the issues this nation faces in a time frame that our impatient citizens will accept. I think the Republicans tossed the Democrats the hot potato, expecting them to hold it for only 4 exasperating years.



I think they threw the election.

How else do you explain Sarah Palin?







Time for the donkeys to play defense; the elephants can remain offensive.
(Relax; it's just blog rhetoric.)

What a country, and I'm tickled pink to be here!


In a parallel universe, I live in Toronto, Canada. I am still working. I take the bus into town where I sell Lazy Boy furniture. I live in an apartment. I don't think I am married.

I don't own a grill. I don't have a pool. I don't go to, or even think about a house on the beach. I've never been to Vancouver; never been on a sea plane. I am still consumed by baseball. I enjoy Canadian football. Sometimes I throw things.
Still, I've got all my limbs, all of my senses. My mind functions.
I love the Canadian National Anthem; I enjoy the benefits of socialized medicine. The accents of my friends continues to charm.

CONGRATULATIONS

The phone rang early this morning; Geeg answered it. Based on the portion of the conversation that I heard, I determined that Sara was on the other end of the line. Towards the end of the call, Geeg congratulated her. I immediately assumed that Sara had gotten a promotion. (I knew she wasn't announcing an engagement; Geeg's feet were still on the ground.) Because I am at the center of the universe, because everything is about me, I decided that Sara's promotion meant an expensive Christmas present for me. Congratulations Sara!

In fact, Geeg congratulated Sara for successfully voting today. I'm not sure how I benefit from that, but I agree that congratulations are appropriate. It really is a big deal.


Politics aside, this is an historic vote; one that will result in the election of either an African-American president or a female vice president. We've come a long way baby, and I give credit to my generation. (I also credit my generation for creating the best music ever and developing a rebellious style of appearance and behavior that is cheerful and effective. I apologize to future generations that were left only with disco, rap, and tatoos to express themselves with. But, I digress.............)


I can't say that I am enamored with the political process. Candidates are so polished and rehearsed; it's difficult to know if you are buying the product or the packaging. Still, we do have a choice and an opportunity to make an educated decision.

So, congratulations to all of you that took advantage of this opportunity to, perhaps, change and hopefully improve the world.

Let's start this improvement by abolishing gansta rap music.

Julie - clean up your IPOD!