ANDY'S GANG

During an unprecedented lapse in our northern neighbor's homeland security defense, Andy's gang invaded Canada last week, despite submitting shoddy and inaccurate customs papers.
(One person even claimed to be a Canadian resident!)

Accompanying Andy, (AKA "Sheriff") was his moll and personal nurse, "Hawk Ear" Elaine.
The brains of the gang consisted of "Swivel Hips" Jeanne, Crystal (AKA Stotdah?), Champagne Kathy, and Patty "The Libber."

For muscle, Andy brought Goomba Johnny, 4Burger, Conductor Bob, and Little Jimmy, the Mini Guinea. Little Jimmy is thought to have connections to the Gambino (not Bambino) family.

No one is quite sure what this gang was doing in Canada, but they spread their mayhem cross country.

Their first stop, Toronto, survived unscathed, though the train station proved to be a challenge for this innocent tribe of rural Americanos. No worries; they left without incident.

They settled in for their cross country tour, via rail, with minimal confusion. After several hours of acclimation, and only a few falls and stumbles, they seemed to regain their sense of direction. No big deal, since the only options were east and west.

After an excellent lunch, (the Mini Guinea appeared to be especially impressed by the lamb chops) a few of them entertained themselves the first day by playing a wild game of "where the hell are Jim and Jeanne?" (I guess "east and west" was a real challenge.)

Conductor Bob immediately infiltrated the infra structure of the train by buddying up with a talkative, but naive native who provided valuable information to the gang.
Of course, all this information was lost once Conductor Bob joined 4Burger at the Bar Car.
The Sheriff and Little Jimmy enjoyed the bar on occasion as well. Goomba Johnny was apparently the designated driver. (Who knew he could drive a diesel engine?)
Jeanne, after finally accepting the fact that there was no casino car, amused herself with card games, apparently hustling the other gang members.
Kathy was last seen shouting "more champagne!"

Bed time was something of an adventure; the rooms were a marvel of space saving engineering. Most of the gang crawled into their quarters after literally leaving their rooms to make their beds. 4Burger got his exercise by climbing up (and often down) a ladder to bed.

The gang spent day 2 allegedly enjoying the scenery, but perhaps they had some ulterior motive. Were they gathering information for some devious scam? Even the Mini Guinea, the self proclaimed anti-christ of sightseeing, took over 100 pictures! Still, they seemed to enjoy all of the bodies of water. (Canada seems to be a great place to live if you are a fish - plenty of lakes; not too many fisherman.)



It was a slow day; no further evidence needed when you consider the gang was looking forward, with great anticipation, to a stop at "Sioux Lookout!" They took this quiet day as an opportunity to relax - eat, drink, and be sedentary.

Crystal debuted her culinary critic skills by proclaiming that Patty's dessert was good, but her's was better, even though she hadn't tasted it yet.

Day 3 highlighted harassing the other passengers; one in particular suffered multilple humiliations. 4Burger stepped on her toes, Conductor Bob spilled her drink. Good times.

Little Jimmy and Patty the Libber engaged in separate acts of indecent exposure.

While using the potty in his room, the Mini Guinea failed to recognize the pocket of civilization the train was passing thru. He mooned Canada.

The Libber provided an unexpected peep show to a confused and elderly male traveler who inadvertenly opened the door to her room. (He said he was sorry, but I doubt it.) More good times.

The day was completed with a boozy rendition of "how many relatives can you fit in a room?"
(Or was it a closet?)



Vancouver paid the price of a 2 day invasion of the gang, as they initially perused their mark during a half day tour. The hotel tried to break up the gang by refusing entry to The Guinea and the Libber, but the gang held firm. Elaine made several reconnaissance runs for supplies, barely avoiding the perils of the sin that is Vancouver night life. At dinner, Conductor Bob tried to recruit a new member. He apparently was impressed by her spectacular...............service.

The second day in Vancouver was more like a day and a half. A tour of Whistler included an aerial view of a future olympic venue. Are they planning sabotage?

Of course, considering the average age of the gang, there were numerous rest stops.



Thankfully, they headed home that night, leaving Canada as they found it; serene, peaceful, charming.

Thankfully again, the USA accepted them back, albiet on a rinky dink plane piloted by Brittany and Opie.



So, what was there plan? Was the gang up to no good, or were they on a mission of commaraderie? Six days together, 24-7, they were surely tested with trials and tribulations.
They passed.

There is no doubt that family history creates the character that weaves the blanket that comforts us like nothing else can.

So...........a toast to those who were blessed to be born into this family, and to those who were blessed with the opportunity to share our lives with them.



















Vive Le Canada.

Vive la familia. (special thanks to our sponsor, Sheriff Andy.)

Man goes into a bar

A man goes into a bar and orders a draft beer.

The bartender serves the beer and says, "That will be five dollars."

The man says, "five dollars? That's outrageous!"

The bartender, near the end of his shift and not wanting any trouble, says, "okay, make it 4."

The man says. "That's better. Here's five dollars. Keep the change."

THANK YOU KIRK

I thought of several possible titles for this entry; "Sorry again, Kathleen," or "Be careful what you ask for" came to mind. "Cue Ball" might have worked. "Oops" would have been appropriate also.

Nice Friday night at the Pokrinchak/Guastelo abode. We got the pool covered, had some pizza, then Kirk stepped up to the plate. A family event; Pop gets his first post retirement haircut.The pictures tell the story. Suffice to say an equpment malfunction occurred.

The circle of life continues. The same clippers I used to cut my father's hair, took a detour thru the middle of my head. A shorter 'do than planned; definitely low maintenance.

So, sincere thanks to Kirk for giving it your best effort. You'll get another chance in 6 weeks, but please don't quit your day job.

Living on the Edge........

.....Of poverty. That's an exaggeration, but we continue to make adjustments to our lifestyle to compensate for the meager pension checks that are replacing the huge sums of money we used to receive as a teacher and a business mogul. (Those were the days.)

We have been fairly frugal most of our lives, especially once we set our goals for early retirement. Frugality is now reaching new heights, or lows.

We've switched from fancy gel tooth polish to simple tubes of toothpaste. I meticulously get every last squeeze out of every tube.

I buy less expensive cuts of meat. I especially enjoy finding discounts for not so red beef and not so yellow chicken.

(We haven't switched from tuna to cat food yet, but it is being considered.)

I bought socks this week; a necessity that developed because of my daily 40 mile (or is it 40 minutes?) walk. My favorite store is Goodwill, but I draw the line at socks. I'm not really sure where that line is; I do own a bathing suit purchased at Goodwill. ( I couldn't resist - bright yellow with velcro fasteners.)

I planned to buy "no show" socks, figuring they would be less expensive. Not so! Half the material, same price. Somebody is getting rich off of this style. (I bought them anyway; it's cool to be wearing socks even though everyone thinks you're not.)

I did buy new sneakers recently,the most expensive pair I've ever owned; a medical requirement.

Oh, and I also recently purchased a DVD/VCR recorder, but that's so I can transfer all my home movies to DVD.

When we get back from our Canada vacation, we're heading for Florida. We plan to buy a car there. Probably a tv too; maybe a home theatre system.

Hmmm...I guess suggesting we are on the edge of poverty is more than an exaggeration. It's a misconception. (It's a lie.) Truth is we are closer to the edge of....well, we're comfortable, content.

Health, family, snowbirding, a few toys........And so it goes.

Hey, I got a haircut today. Just one.

It was tickling my ear.

Sorry Kathleen

Votes are in. As promised, I will adhere to the choice of the majority. By a vote of 21 to 7......Pop is getting a haircut.............sometime before the end of the year.

So, Fabio has had his last dance.

Please welcome Gumba Guido!

Thanks for all who helped make this decision. For critics of my hair, just be thankful that I can't grow a beard. Who knows what could happen?

(I've got waaaay too much time on my hands.)

SHAMELESS

This is yet another shameless attempt to entice my audience to respond. My last attempt was a complete failure. (Please revisit my "Breaking News " entry from August 29. The first 3 "anonymous" comments were my own. Sad., very sad.)

So, it's time for another haircut vote. I'm hoping for a majority vote to cut. Geeg is too. An affirmative vote would no doubt cause her to squeal with "shear" delight!

Please vote now, and vote often. Remember, "anonymous" votes don't count.

All votes must be in by 6 a.m. Friday morning.

My fingernails are getting long also, but I think I'll make an executive decision and cut them right now.

Hey, for all you kids who have loved and lost, "The Boss" has some advice for you:

She went away, she cut me like a knife.

Hello beautiful thing; maybe you could save my life.

With just a glance, here on Magic street.

Love is a fool's dance.

I ain't got much sense, but I still got my feet.

Labore di Amore

Geeg and I recently babysat for Miles and Landon; 4 whole awake hours!

I had big plans. I was going to take this opportunity to expedite Landon's maturation process.

He has already taken HUGE steps this summer; his vocabulary has grown to include most words that don't have "r's" in them, and Mommy is saving lots of money on diapers.

Atta boy, Landon!



But.....he still sucks his thumb, idolizes his "Kee (Gee?)," and runs like a penguin.

And, he takes way too much grief from his big brother.

I never had a sibling of the same gender, and, as I've mentioned before, my sisters are much older than me. I remember friends who had younger brothers. They tortured them.

I remember the dynamics of three young daughters; one younger than the others.
Enough said; I'll let Julie fill in the gaps, or you can use your own memories or imaginations.


So, with four hours to work with, I planned to disturb the natural order of things.

First, Kee. I considered hanging her (him, it?), but what to do with the evidence?


Then I considered grilling; ashes forever in our burgers and hot dogs.



But no, I couldn't be so cruel. We'll let Kee live out her (his, its?) natural life.

How to end thumbsucking? The surest solution was to cut them off. I considered my surgical tools.



While I'm sure Julie and Kirk would have appreciated the potential saved orthodonture bills, in the end, I decided thumb amputation was too extreme.
I continue to contemplate dipping Landon's thumbs in cat urine. (Sentimental fool that I am, I kept some of Trixie's. Lord knows she left plenty of samples.) But for now, we'll leave the comfort of thumb sucking alone.


Running? Landon doesn't seem interested in changing a style that gets him where he wants to go, when he wants to get there.
Once again, status quo.

As for putting up with his big brother's teasing and abusing, well that will just have to run its course as well. But, if justice prevails, Miles won't have to worry about constipation during his teen years. Landon's day will come and I suspect he will kick the crap out of his "big" brother on a regular basis, to make up for years of earlier torment.


And so it goes............ there really is no reason to change Landon. He's fun, cheerful, lovable. And, he's Miles' best friend.

Besides, what's the rush? As Miles trots off to school today we will be reminded, once again, that they grow up sooooooooo fast.



Labore di amore. Taking care of Miles and Landon (in short bursts) is a labor of love.



P.S. Is the picture below a look into the near future? Are Miles and Landon preparing to bury Kee?

STUPID, STUPID, STUPID

What a wonderful Labor Day picnic at the Aunt Jeanne & Uncle Jim estate, as we celebrated the 16th birthday of the triplets. (The title of this blog does not refer to them.)

Special props and thumbs up to C.J., Chelsea, Julianne, Matt, Tanner, Chad, and Ryan for entertaining Miles and Landon all day.

Thumbs down to Pop for refusing to race with Miles even when he practically begged me to. Too tired, sore knees, no sneakers? Silly excuses. Too embarassed? Shouldn't be; I've embarassed myself in front of this crowd numerous times,most recently on this very blog, most often on the dance floor. I've also previously embarassed myself at family picnics. (Did I really once argue religion with a priest?)


Stupid, stupid, stupid Pop. Next time Miles or Landon want to run, Pop runs. (But not for political office.)





Special props also to Uncle Bill for his entertaining (but lame) attempts at head stands.
And to Aunt Sara for making sure our social consciences were exercised. (Obama for yo Mama?)



Thanks Aunt Jeanne & Uncle Jim; good times!