Day of the Iguana

Warm weather has returned to the gulf coast, so naturally I am once again spending a significant amount of time at the beach. I perform my duties as Part Time Beach Patrol Monitor.
One day earlier this week, late in the afternoon, a seemingly nice young couple strolled on to the nearly empty beach. The man was carrying a couple of chairs; the woman was cradling something (a baby?) in her arms.

But that was no baby. She was cradling an iguana.
I immediately went off duty . I don't want nuthin' to do with no iguana.

So this lady takes her iguana down to the shore and puts it in the water.
I"m thinkin' she best be bathing or baptizing that beast; I don't want no freakin' iguana released in my ocean. Lady returns to her beach chair. Alone. WTF?????

As I'm considering my options; leave the beach, sell my condo, the beast looms over a small knoll at the shore line. I take option one, and not so calmly gather my things and head to cocktail hour on my elevated deck. I don't know how fast iguanas move. I don't want to find out.

I have been to the beach since, but I tread lightly into the ocean waters. There are no more iguana sightings; there is no evidence that an iguana has ever been here. (Does anyone know what iguana crap looks like?)

My paradise has been restored, my mind is at ease. I am back on duty. I am currently investigating a large man who wears a bandana and a thong. I don't understand the thong; his ass never even winks at the sun. He arrives wearing a sarong, removes said item and sits in his chair. When he leaves, he discreetly redresses with the sarong, puts on a normal bathing suit underneath said sarong, and departs. Fashion statement? European? Terrorist? I bet he owns an iguana.

Hey, my life is so balanced. Tuesday I give myself a lousy haircut. Wednesday, I get a free cap for donating blood.

And so it goes...........