ANDY'S GANG

During an unprecedented lapse in our northern neighbor's homeland security defense, Andy's gang invaded Canada last week, despite submitting shoddy and inaccurate customs papers.
(One person even claimed to be a Canadian resident!)

Accompanying Andy, (AKA "Sheriff") was his moll and personal nurse, "Hawk Ear" Elaine.
The brains of the gang consisted of "Swivel Hips" Jeanne, Crystal (AKA Stotdah?), Champagne Kathy, and Patty "The Libber."

For muscle, Andy brought Goomba Johnny, 4Burger, Conductor Bob, and Little Jimmy, the Mini Guinea. Little Jimmy is thought to have connections to the Gambino (not Bambino) family.

No one is quite sure what this gang was doing in Canada, but they spread their mayhem cross country.

Their first stop, Toronto, survived unscathed, though the train station proved to be a challenge for this innocent tribe of rural Americanos. No worries; they left without incident.

They settled in for their cross country tour, via rail, with minimal confusion. After several hours of acclimation, and only a few falls and stumbles, they seemed to regain their sense of direction. No big deal, since the only options were east and west.

After an excellent lunch, (the Mini Guinea appeared to be especially impressed by the lamb chops) a few of them entertained themselves the first day by playing a wild game of "where the hell are Jim and Jeanne?" (I guess "east and west" was a real challenge.)

Conductor Bob immediately infiltrated the infra structure of the train by buddying up with a talkative, but naive native who provided valuable information to the gang.
Of course, all this information was lost once Conductor Bob joined 4Burger at the Bar Car.
The Sheriff and Little Jimmy enjoyed the bar on occasion as well. Goomba Johnny was apparently the designated driver. (Who knew he could drive a diesel engine?)
Jeanne, after finally accepting the fact that there was no casino car, amused herself with card games, apparently hustling the other gang members.
Kathy was last seen shouting "more champagne!"

Bed time was something of an adventure; the rooms were a marvel of space saving engineering. Most of the gang crawled into their quarters after literally leaving their rooms to make their beds. 4Burger got his exercise by climbing up (and often down) a ladder to bed.

The gang spent day 2 allegedly enjoying the scenery, but perhaps they had some ulterior motive. Were they gathering information for some devious scam? Even the Mini Guinea, the self proclaimed anti-christ of sightseeing, took over 100 pictures! Still, they seemed to enjoy all of the bodies of water. (Canada seems to be a great place to live if you are a fish - plenty of lakes; not too many fisherman.)



It was a slow day; no further evidence needed when you consider the gang was looking forward, with great anticipation, to a stop at "Sioux Lookout!" They took this quiet day as an opportunity to relax - eat, drink, and be sedentary.

Crystal debuted her culinary critic skills by proclaiming that Patty's dessert was good, but her's was better, even though she hadn't tasted it yet.

Day 3 highlighted harassing the other passengers; one in particular suffered multilple humiliations. 4Burger stepped on her toes, Conductor Bob spilled her drink. Good times.

Little Jimmy and Patty the Libber engaged in separate acts of indecent exposure.

While using the potty in his room, the Mini Guinea failed to recognize the pocket of civilization the train was passing thru. He mooned Canada.

The Libber provided an unexpected peep show to a confused and elderly male traveler who inadvertenly opened the door to her room. (He said he was sorry, but I doubt it.) More good times.

The day was completed with a boozy rendition of "how many relatives can you fit in a room?"
(Or was it a closet?)



Vancouver paid the price of a 2 day invasion of the gang, as they initially perused their mark during a half day tour. The hotel tried to break up the gang by refusing entry to The Guinea and the Libber, but the gang held firm. Elaine made several reconnaissance runs for supplies, barely avoiding the perils of the sin that is Vancouver night life. At dinner, Conductor Bob tried to recruit a new member. He apparently was impressed by her spectacular...............service.

The second day in Vancouver was more like a day and a half. A tour of Whistler included an aerial view of a future olympic venue. Are they planning sabotage?

Of course, considering the average age of the gang, there were numerous rest stops.



Thankfully, they headed home that night, leaving Canada as they found it; serene, peaceful, charming.

Thankfully again, the USA accepted them back, albiet on a rinky dink plane piloted by Brittany and Opie.



So, what was there plan? Was the gang up to no good, or were they on a mission of commaraderie? Six days together, 24-7, they were surely tested with trials and tribulations.
They passed.

There is no doubt that family history creates the character that weaves the blanket that comforts us like nothing else can.

So...........a toast to those who were blessed to be born into this family, and to those who were blessed with the opportunity to share our lives with them.



















Vive Le Canada.

Vive la familia. (special thanks to our sponsor, Sheriff Andy.)